Some anxious thoughts respond well to being gently challenged. For example, you might have the thought: “I’ll get nervous, people will see, and they’ll think something’s wrong with me.” After examining the thought, you respond: “Actually, most people understand nervousness. They’re more likely to have empathy, not judgments.” You feel like it’s mostly settled, and you’re able to move forward. … Read More
Currents
In a riptide, it’s instinctive to fight the current and head straight for shore. But that only leads to exhaustion and being pulled further out. A practiced swimmer takes a different path. They pause and breathe, calming the urge to fight the current. They move with it, trusting they’ll reach a place where they can turn safely toward shore. It’s … Read More
Doubt’s Never Ending Meeting
Imagine being asked to lead a meeting that can’t end until all 50 attendees fully agree with your idea. Every single person needs to be 100% on board and excited. If you’re lucky, 40 agree. But a few want more data. Some say, “Yeah, but..” Others say, “What if..?” The meeting drags on. More ideas. Less consensus. No action. Most … Read More
Not the Enemy
Labeling anxiety as the problem often is the problem. It positions anxiety as an enemy to battle. And it will fight back hard. But what if anxiety isn’t the enemy? What if it’s just a wave to learn to ride? A weather system to allow to pass. When we stop fighting, we can start listening. And anxiety becomes a surprisingly … Read More
Leaving the “Fire”
The alarm brain always finds the next emergency. It pushes us to act fast, keep up, stay safe, don’t fall behind! Every so often, it’s right and protects us. But most of the time, rushing to put out every alarm bell’s “fire” leads to more “fires.” Long-term, it’s more sustainable to teach ourselves to let the “fire” burn while simultaneously … Read More
Facing the Storm
The more we resist anxiety, the more it tends to persist. When we try to avoid it, it finds new ways to return. Although very scary, turning towards the storm is often the best way through it. And often the only route to clearer skies.
Acceptance is Not Complacency
There’s a lot of uncertainty in the world right now. It feels like this time is different. In some ways, it is, but that feeling? That’s not so new. Anxiety’s alarm bells can freeze us and make us doubt we’re equipped to handle this time. It pulls our energy toward what we can’t control. To do anything else feels dangerous, … Read More
I am Thinking…
When we are caught in circular worry, it’s usually a sign that we are over-identifying with the thoughts. One way to create more separation between ourselves and automatic thoughts is by rephrasing the self-talk to “I am thinking. . .” “Bad weather is going to force us to cancel our vacation.” —> “I’m thinking bad weather will force us to … Read More
Eliminating Thoughts
When we have unhelpful, annoying, and intrusive thoughts, it’s natural to respond adversarially and attempt to eliminate them. However, this usually isn’t effective. Imagine walking in the park and seeing a bully ahead walking toward you. You might want to run away, but this could get his attention and provoke him. You might consider arguing and trying to get him … Read More
Car Alarms
A car alarm system is excellent at detecting things that could be signs of someone breaking in, but we’ve learned to be skeptical when we hear a car alarm. We usually don’t immediately call the police or rush out the door, ready to chase off a burglar, because most of the time, there’s no danger at all. It’s a false … Read More