O'Sullivan Counseling Blog

Worry often disguises itself as planning. In reality, it’s just circular, busy work for the brain. Worry is circular, problem-focused, strives for certainty and perfection, ignores probability, and only focuses on possibility.  Planning has an end, is solution-focused, accepts reasonable amounts of uncertainty, values probable outcomes, not possible outcomes, and acknowledges that no plan is perfect.

On the surface, perfection seems like a worthwhile cause. Underneath, it’s the source of self-criticism, guilt, and shame. All of these promote giving up or pursuing perfection even more until we burn out and are forced to give up. Perfectionism makes promises of peace and success but delivers more pain and stagnation. Mistakes warn us of failure and rejection but … Read More

Anticipatory anxiety is often worse than the feared situation itself. If you look closely, anticipatory anxiety is often closely linked with indecisiveness. That is, delaying making a decision.  For example, someone who can’t sleep because they fear a big public speech the following day is likely indecisive about getting up on stage or calling in sick. Or whether to read … Read More

Taking a paradoxical approach of leaning into anxiety rather than avoiding it is essential. But self-care is just as important. Technically, self-care is likely to fall into the category of anxiety avoidance. When we label self-care as anxiety avoidance, it’s a recipe for self-criticism, guilt, and feelings of failure. Imagine a marathon runner beating himself up for taking a day … Read More

Someone who is afraid of flying is said to have a flying phobia. Flying is not usually the fear, however. It’s more of a trigger and doesn’t paint the entire picture. One person who fears flying might be afraid the plane will crash. Another person will fear having a panic attack mid-air. Another person will fear contamination or getting sick. … Read More

Being able to remain in the present moment, being open to automatic thoughts, feelings, sensations, and urges that arise while also holding and acting on long-term values rather than short-term comforts, is called psychological flexibility. It’s an important muscle to attend to and work out regularly. And think of it as a group of muscles rather than just one. A … Read More

This is the time of year when many of us set intentions. Anxiety work is all about examining our own intentions (e.g., “Was I trying to escape from anxiety or lean into it?”) and slowly changing our habitual way of responding and relating to it. Just like getting a new gym membership, no matter how well thought out our intentions … Read More

When we are caught in circular worry, it’s usually a sign that we are over-identifying with the thoughts. One way to create more separation between ourselves and automatic thoughts is by rephrasing the self-talk to “I am thinking. . .” “Bad weather is going to force us to cancel our vacation.” —> “I’m thinking bad weather will force us to … Read More

Anxiety causes a range of automatic thoughts and assumptions: Overestimating threats – “He still hasn’t responded to my email. He’s mad and news will spread that I’m a terrible person.” Underestimating our ability to cope – “I won’t be able to handle it” The belief that anxiety is dangerous – “If this anxiety continues, I might lose control or go … Read More

If a person is knowingly hiking in an area notorious for deadly snakes, their brain will be on high alert, scanning for any signs a snake is near. It’s called selective attention and is crucial for our survival. However, selective attention works against us when it comes to anxiety. For example, if we struggle with panic attacks, it’s likely our … Read More