O'Sullivan Counseling Blog

Anxiety is commonly linked with suffering. This is a mistake and one of countless false messages anxiety sends us. Our level of suffering is most dependent on our reaction to anxiety. Reactions that are likely to decrease suffering: Adopting an attitude of acceptance and curiosity toward anxiety Reframing and challenging automatic thoughts that assume anxiety is a sign of true … Read More

Thought-action fusion is when we mistakenly believe that having a thought is morally the same as taking action. It’s also when we mistakenly believe that because we have a thought about a certain event, it increases its likelihood of happening. For example, maybe someone has the thought or image pop up of stealing something from the convenience store they’re currently … Read More

There are a number of ways we can relate to our anxiety. Often it’s fear and anger. It’s only natural to have these types of reactions. However, when we do, it’s likely to put us in an adversarial type of relationship with it. Some people find this helpful, others do not. Another option is compassion. Anxiety means well. It’s trying … Read More

Worry and rumination are at the root of anxiety. It’s easy to confuse worry with automatic thoughts though. Having the thought, “What if I get fired?” is not worry or rumination. It’s simply an automatic thought. It only becomes worry and rumination once we start engaging with the automatic thought. When we engage with the thought, it means we’re taking … Read More

The anxiety cycle is a reinforcing trap. It looks like this: Internal or external trigger Anxiety sensations Anxiety urges us to avoid or escape We avoid or escape the trigger We experience short-term relief from anxiety We reinforce anxiety long term The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for our fight/flight response, is great at keeping us alive. The … Read More

Imagine doctors being judged only by whether or not their patients get sick. Every time a patient gets sick, the doctor is put on administrative leave and has to go through more training. Or, imagine police officers being relieved of their duties every time a crime is committed in their area of responsibility. The outcome is important, but it’s only … Read More

Observing thoughts (rather than participating in them) is easier said than done. It takes consistent practice. Just as we would never jump on a surfboard for the first time in 10-foot surf, we don’t want to start with our most triggering, anxious thoughts. Instead, begin first with low-intensity mind chatter. Take 5 minutes each day when you are relatively calm … Read More

Signs of productive worry: It addresses something likely or foreseeable The worry leads to action and planning The worry has an end It accepts a reasonable amount of uncertainty Examples of productive worry: “What if I don’t have enough money to retire?” –> “Maybe I should meet with a financial planner and work up a realistic plan” –> Action: Call … Read More

Anxiety demands certainty from “danger.” One way this can play out is through perfectionism. Like certainty, perfectionism is often a hidden driver that we’re not consciously aware of. And just like certainty, perfectionism is unachievable. Perfectionism is hard to give up because it offers a massive buffer from “danger.” In reality, it’s a setup for self-criticism and beating ourselves up … Read More

Positive thoughts aren’t the antidote to negative thoughts. Positive and negative thoughts are equally problematic when they don’t reflect reality. And negative thoughts usually protest when we respond to them with “Just think positive.” The goal is not to get rid of negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Instead, it’s to get better at being an observer of … Read More